Bonnie is UPSET
by anonyreaderfan
Summary: Bonnie is upset about her role on the Vampire Diaries and she intends to let the Producers and Writers know.


Disclaimer – The Vampire Diaries is the property of the CW. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story came into being because I am so dissatisfied with the way the character of Bonnie is written in TVD. The actress that portrays her is excellent but it appears when any scenes need to be cut or character development sacrificed Bonnie ends up as the sacrificial lamb.

Also, I find myself and my obsession with TVD totally amusing. I have never been stellar at anything I have undertaken but I always enjoy it, partly because I can poke fun at myself. Life is so much more enjoyable when you don't take yourself too seriously.

XXX

Bonnie strode into the trailer reserved for the Producers and Writers. She expected to be called on set shortly, but wanted to take advantage of this rare opportunity to talk to them while they were all on site.

She plops down in a chair directly across the table from the Producers and Writers. "I have a beef to pick with you. I'm getting dissed a lot this year by the reviewers and the fans. I was browsing through FF. Net and I even found this lousy writer, Anonyreaderfan, that's killed me off in the prologue of two of her stories. I never even get to appear in the story." She paused. "Not that it's any great thing to be in one of her stories. It's always Stefan, Stefan, Stefan. Gag me!"

Anonyreaderfan rather self consciously speaks up. "Excuse me! I prefer that you refer to me as mediocre rather than lousy. I'd like to point out in my defense that unlike many other writers on FF. Net I actually use spell check and don't make mistakes using homophones."

Bonnie grimaces and sarcastically replies, "excuse me! Since when does spelling a bunch of words correctly make a story interesting?" She mutters, "if that were true you could just publish portions of the dictionary. B-O-R-I-N-G!"

Anonyreaderfan meekly admits. "Okay, I'll give you that one!"

Bonnie stepped up the attack. "What about a good plot, proper grammar, dialogue that isn't stilted and good character development? Huh?"

"All right, all right! You made your point!" Anonyreaderfan murmurs under her breath. "Nasty bee-och"

"What?" Bonnie's head whips around as she asks the question.

"Nothing." Anonyreaderfan is quick to reply as she innocently looks up at the ceiling.

Bonnie, hands on hips, turns to the Producers and Writers. "Do you know what that sad excuse for a writer said to me? She said she killed me off in her stories because YOU had made me into nothing more than a plot device! That's right, a plot device like that stupid magical Gilbert ring."

Producers and Writers reply. "Now Bonnie, you know that's not true. You're a ver.. . "

Bonnie angrily interrupted. "If I'm not, how come in one episode I can't do a simple silence spell and the next week I can undo a spell worked by the Original witch? There's no logical progression or development of my powers. And how come I'm always bleeding from my nose. That's gross. Greta never bled from her nose."

The Producers and Writers let out a couple of nervous little laughs. "We just thought it made you more interesting!"

"Interesting? How bout gross? You know what would have made me interesting? Letting me battle with Greta . . now that would have been awesome. But did you do that? Nooooo. You had to have Damon snap her neck. It's not enough that you write the best lines on TV for Damon and let him take his shirt off every other week, you gotta take my chance at an awesome fight scene away and give it to him."

Producers and Writers shrug their shoulders apologetically. "Sorry, Bonnie, but you know we have to pander to the fangirls and if they don't get their Damon fix we get blasted on Twitter and the forums."

Bonnie pursed her lips, clearly not happy with the response, but figuring she better fight a battle she might have a chance of winning. She knew the awesome power of the fangirls. Even the favorite, She Who Must Be Loved and Desired By All Men Elena, had felt their wrath when she didn't give in and adore him. She thought a moment before belligerently saying, "okay, If I'm not just a plot device then how come my most important scenes take place off camera? I could go on and on about this one. I even found out that the Martin witch tricked me into giving him the moonstone off camera! And that was back in Season Two. This season – OMG!"

The Producers and Writers confer among themselves and then reply, "well Bonnie, you have to understand, the show is only an hour long, and we need twenty minutes for commercials and then time for product placement."

"So, I'm less important than product placement?"

The Producers and Writers smile sheepishly and spread their hands helplessly. "No one, not even She Who Must Be Loved and Desired By All Men Elena, is more important than product placement."

One again Bonnie frowned, stymied. She knew that, like the power of the fangirls, the power of product placement was overwhelming. How could she ever compete with a phone that allowed you to write with a stylus on it and then send it as a message?

She wracked her brains and then looked triumphant. She stabbed her fingers at the Producers and Writers. "Maybe people wouldn't diss me if you'd let me have some good relationships. Look who you've linked me up with as far as men go. That stupid vampire in the first season, who only wanted to get at Elena." Bonnie couldn't help rolling her eyes and muttering, "like so what else is new?" And then she continued. "You made me moon after him like some pathetic needy fool." She held her hand up and counted off her fingers. "And let's see, the extra at the fair whom everyone knows was doomed to die . .You have me swooning over him because he talked to me," she said. "And the Martin witch . . You made me act like a trusting fool." The third finger went down. "And oh yeah, Jeremy, my great love who prefers dead girls to me and now the boy my Mother thinks of as her child rather than me." Bonnie's tone went distinctly sarcastic. "You just set me up to be dissed! What are you going for next . . a sticky note that says 'Loser' plastered to my forehead."

The Producers and Writers fell all over themselves to make soothing noises and throw out meaningless platitudes designed to placate her, but Bonnie wasn't listening. She narrowed her eyes thoughtfully and drummed her long nails on the table.

"You know, the only relationship scenes that you really did justice to was when I was with Stefan in the first season . . you know when I was afraid of my powers at the tomb."

"Stefan Stefan Stefan Stef. . . ."

A particularly viscous glare from Bonnie made Anonyreaderfan clasp her hands over her mouth so a few muffled "mfn . mfn .mfn" were heard before she could completely stop herself.

Bonnie, after checking to make sure that the obnoxious author was truly silenced, turned back to the Producers and Writers. "We have charisma together. There's even some good writers" She looked sideways at Anonyreaderfan as she spoke. "that have written stories at FF. Net about us as a couple, so fans agree."

"Hey, I've seen stills or maybe a video of additional footage of the two of them talking that made it to the internet. How come they never even made it to the DVDs as extra scenes? They were awesome." Anonyreaderfan's question actually earned her a nod from Bonnie.

"Yeah!" Bonnie agreed. "Why didn't they?"

"We saved the extra scenes for shots of the guys. Fangirls!" Once again the Producers and Writers grinned ruefully.

"I'm not gonna win here, am I?" Bonnie says despairingly.

Anonyreaderfan pipes up hopefully. "What if I promise to write a story about you?"

A look of utmost disgust crosses Bonnie's face as she folds her arms across her chest. "Be still my heart. That's supposed to mean something to me? A story written by a so called author that no one reads and whom we've already determined sucks and this is supposed to make me happy? By the way, what are your story stats for this month?"

"WELL, if you're going to have that kind of tude, let's just forget I offered." Anonyreaderfan, deeply offended, turns her back on Bonnie. Obviously, Bonnie had touched on a sore spot.

Bonnie, defeated now, sighed and put her head in her hands. "No, no, go ahead and write your stupid story. The actress who portrays me is just going to have to concentrate on her singing and movie career and hope I get killed off dramatically so people will see how talented she really is." Her face brightens for a moment. "Maybe you could use a beta?"

"Why would I need a beta?" A totally clueless Anonyreadfan replies. Then, all smiles now, she says, "gee, thanks for giving me a chance Bonnie!"

"Yeah, right. You get a chance." Was the sour reply. "No chance for me, but the no talent blah blah amateur author gets a chance."

The Producers and Writers get up to leave. "Sorry Bonnie. We know you've got talent but there just isn't enough room on this show. If there's ever a spinoff, we'll keep you in mind."

Bonnie shakes her head, rolls her eyes, and leaves as she hears a call for her to be on set. "Yeah," she mutters. "Get on set to shoot a scene that will get cut in the final draft. Probably won't even make the previews and everyone knows the preview scenes usually don't make it to the final cut."

She slams the door as she leaves.

Anonyreaderfan rubs her hands together eagerly. "Hmmm! I guess I'll need a plot this time before I just start to spew stuff. I better check the dictionary and see what a plot is." She scratches her head. "I don't THINK I've ever used one before, but the first thing I have to do is write –

~Fin~


End file.
